12.02.2026

vent, i guess?

this is just a vent, i guess? i don’t know. it is shitty and i don’t even know why i wrote it.

there's now a dull ache in my chest
and god forbid i dare to name this fret
trust me, i have tried talking to the best
yet there seems to be no cure to this feeling i detest
i smile and laugh and joke in the lest
of anyone noticing my life taking its test

my words don't cooperate with my pen
i've tried reading books, at least ten
before any painting is over, my paint ends
i am blinded, i can't see even with a lens
i feel nothing and all, it doesn't make sense
for what sin is it that i repent?

i am the best architect you'll meet, i swear
but all my castles shall beautifully lie in the air
my rambling is going on with no one's care
make people obligated to feel pity, why i dare?
expecting the best service, pay the highest fair
blood can't be squeezed from a turnip, i must declare

i am tired of faking it when i am never going to make it
i am a day late and a dollar short, every single bit
i am a narcissist and an echoiest, it simply doesn't fit.
who am i talking to?i am sorry but have i lost all my wit?
so many fake praises of formalities, i should just quit
no one truly likes me and with it i must sit

i don't know how to say no until someone offers help
but how must i elaborate that i hate my very own self?
i know i must not let all this negativity dwell
but i wouldn't have if i knew how to break the spell
the reason of my melancholy—i wish i could tell
but my voice is silenced by my own knell

the tears fall with very vague reasoning 
reasons i can't decipher myself, i am not on the brink
to answer the worries but neither am i understanding
i assume, i should just let myself sink
if i haven't lost, i am very close to losing
ignoring the callings as i am falling

-T.P.

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a vent post i found in my drafts. funny how all my posts seem to be vents lately. it’s not good but whatever.

Signing off,
blue.

image source: pinterest